just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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