Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
