@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
