oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
