giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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