Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
