Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
