you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
