Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
