He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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