my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
