you didnt know i had herpes?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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