why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
