nut hugger
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
