Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
