Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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