I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
