that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
