Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
