Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
