hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
