I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
