My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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