Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
