I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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