This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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