Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
