yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
