I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
