Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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