Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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