so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
