I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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