rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
