Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
