I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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