YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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