im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
