just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Even my vagina gasped.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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