She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
