This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this boner is exhausting
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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