My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
