Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So apparently I’m into choking now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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