Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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