So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
