I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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