There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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