xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
