Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
