i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
